Since august 08, my life has been playing on the edge, swaying back and forth between life and death, figuratively speaking of course.

Today, everything reached the peak of my stress tolerance. Every bad thing in the world piled one on top of the other until my sanity can no longer endure the great pressure it laid upon my shoulders, the responsibility, the stress. I was on the brink of a breakdown.

First, i had to wait for a long time for the NS t-shirt that never came. I wasted half my life and load because of that. Then we have to have a song interpretation ready by tomorrow for Rizal. Then i have to prepare for a reporting tomorrow which is a big pressure because I am deathly scared of being embarrassed and the teacher's personality is of no help. Plus, i have to be extra good at answering questions because one of my groupmates, the Dickhead John, mocked me by declaring me leader and telling me that I was incapable of looking for ways to solve my problems (of course, he didn't actually say that but it was the essence. My pride can't take being injured that many times in such short time).

Plus i have to have a written report, a compilation of all my groupmates' reports and have it printed before tomorrow (that is, before first period in the morning). Unfortunately, my deskop is dead (it won't turn on no matter how many times I attempt to turn it on) and the laptop can't connect to the internet (so I had to send it to byteworld to have it fixed). Then woodridge had a brownout! So even if the laptop is fixed and the computer turns back on it would still be useless!

Plus i have a quiz for tomorrow and I can't study because they sent the notes through email!!!

Plus my groupmates (except for one) can't seem to reach me! They said they sent me the email but I can't see their email (a friend of mine so nicely offered to check my emails and print them, God bless her) and they can't print it out themselves because they don't have printers!!! big deal!! I DON'T HAVE A COMPUTER!!! in fact I don't have electricity!!! And John! big ol' reliable john who talks so big and thinks he's so great! he never bothered to reply!

And it was already night time to I don't have any means of getting internet access! I don't know any net cafes nearby that are still open! And it's nighttime! It's too dangerous! and I live in woodridge! It's the world of the quiet and the dead!

And then Jackie called and she was crying. She said kuya kenneth was taking too long having the laptop fixed and she still didn't have a dress for tomorrow and she still had to study and all her books were at home! And I couldn't contact kuya kenneth. And i had to call Tita maling to ask about the dress and mina and daniel were still in school and jackie was crying and i was panicking because she was crying and i was worried out of my guts!

So many things were out of my control and I was dazed and crazed and falling deep deep down into the abyss of insanity. I'm a control freak. It's my nature. If too many things were not in the palm of my hands, i panic. I cry. I cry and cry and cry tears of frustration and I talk to dogs! My goodness, even Luffy didn't dare move an inch while I was petting him, as if he knew that if he did, i'd go nuts. It was therapeutic for me to know that I could control something, like the dog. It calmed me down a little.

And then mommy called and asked if i was okay. Then I broke down again and told her everything, about how stressed I was and she told me not to worry, that God would always find a way and I told her I was so frustrated because so many things are out of my control and she tried to console me and stuff and it really helped, you know, a little. And i told her i might just retype all their reports or do it my hand (handwritten). I was going crazy.

After the talk the lights came back on! A few minutes later, my siblings arrived carrying the fixed laptop and jackie had a dress she could use for tomorrow. Then my friend texted that one of the emails were actually in the spam folder! that's why we couldn't find it! And I read John's report and it turned out to be useless and short after all, so, no worries there! All in a matter of minutes!

So my eyes were puffy red and my nose was running but I was smiling, and laughing and thinking about the irony and torture I had to go through in the last few days and suddenly all my problems were fixed and it didn't take an hour to do so. All my problems. Fixed. Just like that!

I told my sister, "today, almost all my problems suddenly disappeared. In fact, if the computer suddenly starts working again, ALL of my problems would be gone. If that happens, my life is either a big test or a big joke".

After eating, my sister went upstairs and tried to turn the computer on.

"Te kar," she called. "Nag on ang computer"

1984

Catch-22

Catcher in the rye

Uncle Tom's cabin

Animal Farm

Soviet union

Joseph Stalin

World war  II

Korean wars

South Korea

South Korean land reform

Economics

Group leader

John

Dickhead

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 i am having the worst month of my life

Playing the part of a charitable soul was only for those who were afraid of taking a stand in life. It is always far easier to have faith in your own goodness than to confront others and fight for your rights. It is always easier to hear an insult and not retaliate than have the courage to fight back against someone stronger than yourself; we can always say we're not hurt by the stones others throw at us, and it's only at night- when we're alone- that we can silently grieve over our own cowardice

------The devil and miss prym, coelho.

Hahaha! I'm not a coelho fan but i have to agree with him on this one...